The Greek Mythology Hetaliaganza!
by MintyDaze
Summary: The nations are teenagers putting on a school play directed by their insomniac theatre teacher Heracles Karpusi. Join them on this parody as they teach an audience full of teenagers about the wacky adventures in Greek mythology including Cronos and Rhea and the Therapist. Pandora's Soap Opera. The Super Argonauts! And more! DISCONTINUED due to lost script. I apologize


The Greek Mythology Hetaliaganza!

**Hi it's MintyDaze. My Computer is down and I'm peeved so I'm writing this fanfic based off a play I did Freshman year only with Hetalia characters called the Greek Mythology Olympiaganza. I will write it out like a story so you can get a good picture of it and the set will be like how I did the play and what it calls for in the script. Depending on the length this will be 1-4 Chapters and all put up in one day. I will continue writing The Quiet One ASAP. I'm not at a writers block I just can't write murderous things when I am frustrated at technology and when I don't have access to my files and have to use my Mom's computer- ANYWAY! Enjoy this crack fic! No shippings are involved (mostly)! Teenager!Nations putting on a play!**

The teens in the audience chatted with each other while they waited and most immediately quieted down along with the lights in the House. It was completely dark for a few seconds until a single spotlight circled crazily around the stage and a loud voice boomed.

"ARRRRE YOU READDY TO LEARN ABOUT GREEK MYTHOLOGEEEE?!"

A song that sounded suspiciously like Get Ready For This blared through the speakers as multicolored lights lit the stage like at a sports game. The stage lights brightened as two people ran out from opposite sides of the stage.

The first was a tall American with sandy blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and wore a red toga over his white shirt and blue pants. He high-fived the small Japanese girl with short black hair and soft brown eyes, who wore a white toga over her black shirt and black sweatpants. They moved over to Center Stage, the Japanese girl clutched to her chest a large old looking book with pretty drawings all over it.

"Hey guys! Welcome to the Greek Mythology Olympiaganza!" the American shouted into his mic excitedly pumping his fist into the air, a few thespians cheered caught up in the excitement while the non-thespians gave half-hearted cheers just to fit in.

"Hold onto your seats because in the next thirty minutes you'll be taken on a journey," the Japanese girl said calmly and smiled which was soon halted by America's echo effect.

"Journey Journey Journey Journey-," the obnoxious American echoed.

She ignored this and continued, "Into the mind of the ancient Greek."

"Thrills! Gyrations! Aggravations! Exhortations! Other things! I'm talking about sons killing fathers who killed their fathers who had some other kids that are like gigantic monsters with twenty-five thousand heads and they're all poisonous and eat all kinds of stuff," the sandy haired teen took a deep breath before adding. "And it's awesome!"

"My name is Sakura Honda and I will be your captain," she bowed as she introduced himself.

"Captain Captain Captain," the boy echoed.

"This evening."

"Evening Evening Evening."

Sakura took a deep breath to remind herself that it was just a play and he really wasn't interrupting her with stupid sound effects. "And I will be guiding you into the murky depths of Greek mythology and bringing you back out again on the other side-." He managed to get this out before the American interrupted AGAIN.

"And my name is Alfred F. Jones!" he grinned. "and I am the pied piper of cool, the lieutenant Spock to your Captain Kirk, the father of fable, the legend of legends, and the front man of this band of merry misfits!"

"Joining us on this stage," Sakura started.

"THE DREAM TEAM!" Alfred let loose one of his annoying laughs as the entire cast ran onto the stage in various states of preparedness. Some are pushed on, some don't want to be here. Some are doing calisthenics. Some appear as if they had been announced at a basketball game.

"Trained by Heracles Karpusi, Kugelmugel, and a homeless guy named Steve, they represent the peak of thespianical achievement," Alfred continued and looked at the nations still on the stage acting goofy. "Alright," he said after a minute. "GET OFF THE STAGE!" He started pushing the other actors off to the wings. They left irate.

"Let's calm it down for a moment, shall we?" Sakura said moving things along and looked at the audience. "When you think about the Greeks, what do you think about? Anyone?"

Alfred came back and raised his hand. "Ooh Me."

"What?"

"That hairy guy that owns a restaurant," the American said looking pleased as a few people chuckled.

Sakura glanced at the audience hoping no one was offended by the remark, "While it's true that many Greeks are hirsute and do own restaurant-,"

The boy cut her off. "And I think about gyros. Mmmm almost as good as hamburgers!" He pulled one out and began munching on it earning a few more laughs.

"You'll be surprised to know that they started Western culture. In fact, if it weren't for the Greeks we'd just be a bunch of naked illiterate savages painting ourselves blue and eating raw deer." The girl informed the audience.

"That sounds awesome!" Alfred grinned sounding genuine. He actually meant it a little.

"And as punishment for their contribution to Western culture we've been forced to study them for the past two thousand five hundred years," the black haired girl continued and earned her first laugh from the audience which caused her to blush.

"Not awesome," the American said giving thumbs down.

"What we are doing tonight," Sakura began.

"Prepare to be amazed," Alfred interrupted.

"What we are doing-," Sakura tried to say.

"It's awesome," Alfred interrupted again.

"Just let me tell them okay?" Sakura begged getting slightly irritated.

"It will blow your mind," the boy ignored her and continued his rant. "You'll be like, whoah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. _That's what I'm talking about_!"

"Anyway," the Japanese girl quickly put in. "We are going to portray all of Greek Mythology for you right now."

"Right now!" Alfred's face fell and he turned to his companion Narrator. "All of it?"

"All of it," Sakura confirmed. "In thirty minutes."

"My head is about to explode," Alfred ran his hand through his sandy blonde hair. "You know what Sakura? Let's do it!"

High energy music played as the two Narrators moved to stage right and opened the large book.

"At first there were the Titans," Alfred began as a guy with spiky blonde hair and a red toga over his black clothes entered along with a poker faced girl with blonde hair held back by a blue sailors hat and gold barrette. She wore a navy blue toga over her light blue clothes, she kept her distance from the Dane who strutted on like he owned the place. "The king of the Titans was Cronos," Alfred introduced.

"My loyal subjects," Mathias, who played Cronos, grinned spreading his hands towards an empty space before looking at Nora. The girl who played Rhea crossed her arms and sat in an empty chair that was next to two other chairs on the stage and 'Cronos' added less enthusiastically, "Or subject."

"And there were many Titans," Alfred moved on and began stumbling over the names. "People like… Prometheus. Epi… Epi… Epimetheus, and um… Oceanus and another guy and a guy with a hundred hands and this other dude and Uranus."

Alfred snorted and said louder, "Uranus."

A blonde, British teen named Arthur, with emerald green eyes and bushy eyebrows entered on stage wearing a dark green toga over light green over clothes, a crown sat on top of his messy hair.

"I don't want to play this character," He said scowling.

"Why not?" Alfred asked.

"I don't like my name," Arthur complained.

"What's wrong with Uranus?" Alfred said then burst out laughing unable to contain it. Roars of laughter were heard off stage.

"That's it I quit! I said I wasn't going to be Uranus," the boy threw down his crown and was about to leave when the American stopped him.

"All right fine," he sighed. "Let's call you the big U."

"Okay then," 'Big U' said begrudgingly.

"Thank you. Now," Mathias turned to the British boy. "I had a dream the other night that my children will one day rise up and kill us all. Thoughts?"

The Titans exchanged glances like they weren't sure what to do. Arthur said after pondering a moment, "Okay, how about this: After each child is born, you eat them."

"That sounds logical," 'Cronos' replied.

"You want to eat my babies?" Nora asked sounding mildly shocked.

"This is why women can't be in charge of anything. They can't make the tough decisions," the Dane said rolling his eyes. "Eating babies it is. Great idea, Big U."

"Thank you your majesty," Arthur smiled smugly.

Alfred cut in. "Now I know what you're thinking out there: I'm not sure this is the proper family relationship. But you're just looking at it with modern eyes, in ancient times it was perfectly acceptable to…" Alfred paused. "Okay, it was always gross."

"Is that the technical term?" Sakura asked as the Brit exited.

"Cronos can we talk," 'Rhea' asked.

"Sure honey, what's up?" Mathias sauntered over and put an arm around Nora.

"This is hard for me to say," Nora looked at him her expression ever unchanging. "But I want you to stop eating our children."

"Nag nag nag nag nag, that's all you ever do," Mathias rolled his eyes.

"So Rhea did the only thing she could do," Alfred narrated. "They went to therapy."

The Canadian boy named Matthew, who looked similar to Alfred, playing the Therapist came out wearing a white toga over red clothes, he sat in the chair across from the Norwegian and the Dane playing Rhea and Cronos. He swallowed hard and spoke as loud as he could but his voice was so soft that the ones in the back row had a hard time hearing him.

"That's interesting," he said pushing up his glasses. "And how do you feel about him eating the children?"

"It makes me feel… upset," Nora said then glared at Cronos. "Because he's a jerk!"

"That's blaming statement," Matthew the Therapist said patting Nora's hand. "We're not using blaming statements here."

"I feel upset now," Mathias said crossing his arms and pouting.

"It's okay Cronos. It's Rhea's turn to share right now," Matthew smiled nervously then asked, "Are you listening to her?" After Mathias grudgingly said "yes" Matthew continued, "Good. I think we're making progress. Go on Rhea. Tell Cronos how you feel."

"Cronos, when you eat my babies it makes me…" Nora hesitated.

"If you don't tell him your feelings he'll never know," Matthew the Therapist urged on.

"It makes me angry because a lot of work went into those babies and you keep eating them," Nora said more confidently.

"Keep going!" Matthew the therapist said excitedly. "We're getting somewhere now."

"It means you're eating our love," Nora finished.

The Dane looked at the Therapist and asked, "Can I respond to that?"

"Please, that's why we're here," Matthew nodded.

"Rhea," Mathias started.

"Yes, look at her," Matthew encouraged him.

"You need to stop complaining or I'll eat you next," As soon as that was said a round of 'ooooohs' came from backstage and throughout the audience.

Matthew looked shocked. "No no we're backsliding, remember what we talked about in our last session."

"Oh and sure you've never done anything wrong in this marriage," Mathias stood up his voice raising. "What about the time the soup was cold?"

The "ooohs" this time around got louder.

"Maybe," Matthew said trying to intervene but was interrupted by the Danish Cronos.

"You're not even trying to make this marriage work," he shouted.

"Are you kidding me?" Nora looked pissed.

"Let's try to remain positive," Matthew tried.

"Where's the love huh?" Mathias yelled. "Where's the affection?"

"Okay. Okay. Stop" Matthew the Therapist stopped them. "Let's sit down and try to move forward. We're going to try an exercise I like to call 'sharing time.' So here's what we do: Cronos, you share something you haven't told Rhea, and then Rhea you share something you haven't told Cronos. Okay? Can we try that?" He pleaded.

"I guess," the Dane said before sitting back down.

"Cronos, you first what haven't you told Rhea?" Matthew the Therapist trained his deep blue eyes on him.

"Um… Rhea…" Mathias began rubbing the back of his head. "I think your sister's hotter than you." This time the 'ooooooooohs" rang out through the audience and backstage.

"What?" the Norwegian Rhea stood up and looked at him in what seemed to be disbelief.

Matthew gulped, "Now Rhea. What would you like to share with Cronos?"

"Okay," Nora placed her hands on her hips and faced Cronos. "You know that last baby you ate that was all tough?"

Mathias scratched his head, "I figured he was going to be the god of earthquakes or something."

"Actually that wasn't a baby," Nora smirked. "That was a rock."

"What?"

"And I've been raising that child ever since to kill you," she said looking smug.

"What?!" the Danish Cronos stood up looking alarmed.

"Come on in Zeus," Nora called offstage and then a large Turkish boy named Sadiq, who played Zeus, wearing a red and gold toga over his black clothes and a pure white mask on his face strolled in.

"See what I mean?" Mathias cried. "She's been lying to me!"

"Kill him Zeus," Nora ordered.

"There has to be a healthier way to address family conflicts," Matthew the Therapist tried to shout over them.

"Get him boy," Nora pointed to the Dane and the Turkish Zeus roared.

"Oh yeah, and in the middle of this Cronos puked up all the kids he had eaten and they banded together for," Alfred narrated but then he broke off when everyone on stage stopped and stared at him. "What? I'm not making this up. This is straight from Wikipedia."

"This myth is kinda gross," the Turk said.

"Most of them are," Alfred agreed. "Anyway, the regurgitated children formed a team and they had a big war." As he said this, the entire cast got out on stage to re-enact the gods and the Titan war. They screamed and attacked each other getting into some MAJOR slap fights. "And eventually defeated Cronos and the Titans and banished them forever."

"Score," Sadiq grinned.

"Hey um… since you're banishing the Titans, does that mean I'm…" Nora began to ask.

"You're banished too, Mom," the Turkish Zeus said.

"What?" Nora looked disappointed.

"You too, Titan marriage counselor," Sadiq ordered.

"Maple," Matthew said and left with Nora.

**To be continued. This is not mean to be good or even taken seriously. I will finish this soon. Bye now. I need sleep.**


End file.
